Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
