morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
