Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
