just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize