is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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