i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
