he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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