i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
