Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize