final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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