do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
