They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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