Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
