Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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