elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize