Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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