is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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