apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
