they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize