I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
