i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
