I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
