farters have to be the big spoon...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
