im six kinds of drunk right now
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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