the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
