he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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