I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
