Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
