So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
