I just made out with a guy for $7.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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