Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
