if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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