There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
