it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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