I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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