It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
