i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
