One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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