I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
