he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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