And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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