My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
