time to smoke my breakfast
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
