At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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