So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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