pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
