Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
