omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This is my gift to your gina
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
