When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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