i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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