Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
