I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
