K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
