you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so that wasnt chicken after all
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
