sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
