Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
