Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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