You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize