dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
