Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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