could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize