Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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