is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My penis needs a shock collar
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
