she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
