I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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