I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Mom said you looked used
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
