I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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