nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize