I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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