What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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