Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
