gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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