I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
