I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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