Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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