apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize