So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
