He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
