remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
