Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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