FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
