just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
