You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
